Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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