every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i think my cat just said my name.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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