I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
