Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
