I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
