I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
