I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
