Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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