Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
