I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
