that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
