is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
nutella sex= disaster
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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