did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just tell him i said nine months
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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