We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
