Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
