I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
