I want to have your abortion
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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