Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
