guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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