ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
