Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
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Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again