he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD