he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
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Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.