I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...