I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok