adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes