ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We need to get me chipped asap
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
