im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
