why didn't you poke me back
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
