I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
