i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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