Swine flu is the new snow day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
