"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
please come you make the beer taste better
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
