Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
