this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
