I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
