I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
