Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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