You just made me feel so damn special
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
