new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
