I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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