He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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