After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
