Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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