I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
