You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
