I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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