The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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