you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
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I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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