Where are you?
In a non slutty way
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
