My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
