Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
