He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
