that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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