Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
