I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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