no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
