You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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