Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
