god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
