I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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