Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
