Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
