question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
