i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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