Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
