I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
