I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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