so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
