you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize