I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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