You just made me feel so damn special
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude i'm inner monologue high
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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