i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
