Sponge bath it is.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
