Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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