so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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