Why is your signature on my underwear?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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