I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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