he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
