she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
