i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
