my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
