I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
