In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
